


Broken Tether

by noahliza



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Mental Health Issues, aka the one where sora loses his whole mind for a bit, also super brief mention of ansem tw, its fitting, mention of eye trauma from a previous fic, which i decided stands for ansem trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-05-13
Packaged: 2020-03-02 13:43:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18812083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noahliza/pseuds/noahliza
Summary: Sora had it all planned out, visit the lab and figure out whatever was wrong. Plans don't always pan out; sometimes you end up with cold feet.(sort of a sequel/follow-up to Being Watched)





	Broken Tether

**Author's Note:**

> i super didn't think i was going to write anything more for Being Watched, but, here i am! it's 1am, i'm sick and exhausted and i hope this is coherent enough to read.
> 
> came back and edited some of it! kept most of the weird wording though, it just felt right

The flight to Radiant Garden was quiet, air heavy with all that had happened earlier. Riku and Kairi were in their seats at the front of the gummi ship, Kairi piloting. Sora sat in the back, on the floor. He’d been silently fidgeting the entire trip, switching between playing with his rings, his necklace, biting his lip. Currently, he was fiddling with the hem of his shirt. Anything to avoid looking up.

 

Sora knew his best friends were just worried, but he couldn’t stand the looks they kept giving him. It was the worst part of this whole ‘ _i_ _ncident_ ’, as Ansem the Wise had called it over the phone. They wouldn’t leave him alone, probably scared he’d do something harmful again.

 

When they landed at Radiant Garden, part of Sora’s shirt hem was frayed.

 

Sora waited patiently for Riku and Kairi to gather their things and head off the gummi ship, before he followed. This was the second worst part. Something that Sora had never thought about, but now realized was obvious; was that the loss of one eye’s vision had changed his depth perception. Things just...weren’t quite where he thought they were.

 

“Did you need help?” Suddenly Riku was at his side.

 

“N-no, I’m fine,” Sora shook his head. He glanced up a bit, just enough to see how far ahead Kairi was. He must have fallen too far behind, and worried them more. Great.

 

 _‘Showing weakness.'_ something deep inside whispered.

 

“Are you sure? Because I can-” Riku cut himself off as Sora hurried his pace, passing Riku quickly.

 

“I’m sure, Riku. Don’t worry.”

 

Sora knew how unconvincing he was, when he couldn’t even meet Riku’s eyes.

 

As they got closer to Ansem's lab, panic bubbled in Sora's insides. He felt sick. He didn't want to go. Sora stopped walking.

 

“Sora?” Riku's voice came from behind him. Sora jolted and whirled around in momentary panic, caught off guard.

 

His eyes met with Riku's. The world slowed for a moment as he took in the _concern_ , the _worry_ , the _fear_.

 

Sora looked away. “can we do this tomorrow?”

 

“yeah, of course.” Riku took a careful step towards Sora.

 

“You really seemed like you wanted to come here as soon as possible, are you sure, Sora?” Kairi's voice approached. Riku backtracked, undoing the step he took.

 

“I'm sure.” Sora gave a small nod. ”I don't feel good.”

 

“Sick, tired, both?” Kairi questioned.

 

Sora was quiet for a long moment. “Both.” he finally answered.

 

“Alright. Let's find an inn for the night, then.” Kairi moved to pat Sora's shoulder, but decided against doing it.

 

Sora was glad. Sora was disappointed.

 

The three walked quietly to the nearest inn, Riku trailing behind sora, while Kairi led the way.

 

They were checked in quickly and shown to their room. Sora hung back a bit, at the fringe of everything that was happening. _‘on the fringe of existing.’_ the something whispered.

 

It didn't make any sense. Sora shook his head a bit to clear the thought. “I'm gonna go to the bath house.” he mumbled. Riku and Kairi barely caught it.

 

“do you want me to come with?” Riku offered.

 

“No, I think I can handle bathing myself, Riku.” Sora's tone had more bite to it than he meant. “Sorry. Never mind.”

 

Sora hurried out, not wanting to wait for a response.

 

It was a short but pleasant walk to the bath house, the sidewalk lined with beautifully manicured flower beds. Their scents wafted gently in the air, just enough to be noticeable, but not overwhelmingly fragrant.

 

It was a short moment of peace. Sora knelt down to look at some purple flowers and smiled a bit, feeling more calm and _okay_ than he'd felt in a while.

 

It was midday, so the bath house was empty. Sora had hoped that it would be. He didn't want to look at his best friends. He definitely didn't want to look at a bunch of strangers.

 

_What if they see it, when the people I'm closest to can't? What would that mean?_

 

Sora tried to ignore his own mind. There was no way _it_ was the same. He stabbed it. Sure, he'd been avoiding mirrors, but he wasn't _scared_ or anything.

 

_Scared weak pitiful-_

 

Sora groaned loudly, and held the sound until it was more like a quiet yell.

 

_Shut the fuck up. Annoying._

 

Sora flinched. He shoved the thought away and continued on, getting himself a towel, changing out of his clothes, walking towards the bath.

 

He stopped, frozen in his tracks.

 

The sinks were right in front of him, mirrors hung above them.

 

Stilted, awkward steps brought him ever closer.

 

_No. No. No._

 

Sora gripped the edge of the sink, his knuckles turning white.

 

He stared intently at his eye, the thick vertical scar that covered the entire pupil, that expanded above and below to the bottom of his eyelid, to his tear trough. It was a clean, white, disgusting scar.

 

A scar on his eye, which was still yellow.

 

Sora tore himself away from the mirror, determined to be functional. He went into the bath, doing his best to wash quickly.

 

His mind raced.

 

_It's still there._

 

_Its still there_

 

_It's still there_

_It's still there_

 

_It's still there_

 

_It's not real_

 

_It's still there_

_It's still there_

_It's not real_

_It's still there it's still there it's still there it's not real it's still there it's not real it's not real it's not real its not --_

 

_I'm not real_

 

Sora inhaled deeply, shaking. _No. I'm real._ He tried. He wasn't fully convinced.

 

The air in the bath house suddenly was too thick. He couldn't breathe.

 

Sora walked jerkily towards his towel and kind of dried himself off. He threw his clothes back on, ignoring how they clung to his still-damp body.

 

He ran.

 

He went through town as quickly as he could, until he made it to the garage where the gummi ship was parked.

 

He was just going to sit for a little while, he knew he could be alone in the gummi ship, parked back where no one would wander to. Only Riku and Kairi would come, but it would hopefully be a while before they came looking.

 

Before Sora fully realized, he started the gummi ship's engine and had lifted off.

 

His actions set in & he shook. Nerves?

 

He drove the gummi ship aimlessly, taking the easiest routes. He stayed as far away from things as he could, not trusting his altered depth perception.

 

_Things wouldn't be like this if you were real._

 

“Stop!” Sora shouted at himself. His breaths started to come shorter, shallower.

 

_Your yellow eye isn't real so why would you be? You disappeared. For good. Why would you be able to come back for real?_

 

Tears stung Sora's eyes, threatening to spill over.

 

_I have to prove I'm real._

 

Sora blinked the tears out of his eyes and jerked the controls, realizing he'd accidentally aimed the ship at a massive asteroid. He clipped the wing, damaging it badly.

 

“No, no, no.” Sora gasped. He couldn't breathe. He propped himself up against the controls the best he could, and tried to steer to a flat plane for an emergency landing. His breaths were short, shallow, not enough. Fear coursed through his veins.

 

He landed hard, damaging the underside of the ship.

 

“Oh.” Sora shrieked out a nervous laugh. “It's so bad! It's so bad. So bad.” Shakily, he dug his gummiphone out of his pocket.

 

Without thinking, he called Roxas.

 

“Hello..?” Roxas’ groggy voice answered.

 

“Hi!” Sora's voice was shrill. ”Um!”

 

“Sora?” Roxas sounded more alert. “What's going on?”

 

“I don't know!” Sora answered too quickly. “It's a lot!”

 

“What's a lot? What's wrong?” Roxas’ concern was audible. Sora wanted to hang up. Sora wanted to cling to that worry forever.

 

“Why can't I be real?”

 

“What..?”

 

“I wanna be real, Roxas! It's not fair! It's not real!”

 

“Sora, I.. I don't know what you're talking about… Where are you?”

 

“That isn’t why i called - sorry!” Nervous laughter bubbled out. “I crashed!”

 

“What!? Sora, what the hell’s going on?”

 

“That’s it! I crashed!” More laughter.

 

“Oh my god, Sora.” Rustling sounds could be heard over the phone. “Does your gummiphone have its location on? “

 

“Yeah, why?” Sora put his hand over his mouth, trying to stifle himself.

 

“Just wondering.” Roxas replied plainly. “Can you tell me what's going on right now?”

 

“It'sallamess!” Sora choked out, breathless. He slumped down to the floor and slouched, a bit dizzy.

 

“Clearly, please. Slow down, okay?” Roxas coaxed him.

 

“O-oh. Um.” Sora was quiet for a long moment.

 

“Sora?”

 

“I was at Radiant Garden!”

 

“Okay, then what?”

 

“I. I wanted to be alone so I sat in the ship. And then I drove on accident.”

 

“What do you mean?” Sora could hear Roxas murmuring quietly, but couldn't tell what he was saying. “How did you drive on accident?”

 

“It just happened.” Sora shrugged. Suddenly, he jolted up. _He’s asking too much. Too many questions. Too many too many too many too many too many too many too many too many-_

 

“Sora?” Roxas’ voice snapped Sora out of his spiralling thoughts. “Did you hear what I said?”

 

Sora immediately hung up on him. He stared at his gummiphone for a moment, then chucked it across the room.

 

It rang. Roxas’ ringtone.

 

“Stop!” Sora begged. His phone continued ringing.

 

 _Stopstopstopstopstopstopstopstopstopstop-_ Finally, it did.

 

Sora fell backwards to the floor, laughing breathlessly. “I made it stop!”

 

 _That’s right! I’m powerful! I’m strong!_ Sora summoned the x-blade and held it straight above himself, pointed to the ceiling. “It’s mine. I won.”

 

 _Nope._ The something in Sora’s head piped in. _If you’re so strong, why did everything go the way it did?_

 

Sora vaulted himself up and stabbed the x-blade into the floor. Spots danced across his vision, darkening it for a long moment.

 

He felt weak.

 

He slid back down to the floor. _How bad did i mess up this time? So bad. Is the ship gonna explode? Am I gonna die again? Probably._ Sora vaguely realized that the something in his head was him.

 

Sora remembered the keyblade graveyard. He remembered both times.

 

\--

 

Sora snapped out of his head as the gummi ship rocked slightly. He got up and looked out the cockpit, another ship had tethered his to it. _Why?_

 

Fear coursed through Sora’s veins. He bit down hard on his lower lip.

 

He ran into the ship’s bathroom to hide from anyone that might be watching from the other ship.

 

Back in the cockpit, his phone started ringing. He knew the ringtone. He knew the ringtone? He didn’t know the ringtone.

 

Sora felt the ship lift off and start forward. _I’m being kidnapped? What’s happening? Do they know i’m here? They don’t know I’m here. They must know, right - Ship’s wrecked. Scrap it - no no no no they gotta know - they don’t there’s no way they saw me laying down they’re gonna compact it I’m stuck in here I’m stuck I’m trapped._

 

Sora’s ship was set down gently. He waited for more movement.

 

The hatch opened.

 

“Sora?” Roxas’ voice called out. Sora jolted and looked around frantically, trying to find somewhere to hide.

 

“Sora! Where are you?” Roxas’ voice was closer. “Sora, c’mon…” It sounded like he was in the cockpit.

 

Sora’s breath hitched. He stepped back, towards the wall farthest from the cockpit. He held his hand out behind him, feeling for it.

 

He knocked something over, and it fell to the floor with a loud clatter.

 

“Wha- Sora…” Roxas found Sora. He looked upset. _What’s wrong no no dont be sad its your turn youre the real one now._

 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Roxas tentatively stepped forward. “Why are you so scared? What happened?”

 

Sora’s heart pounded. He turned his head  to the side and watched Roxas slowly approach him through his working eye.

 

“Sora, c’mon, tell me what happened…”

 

“Please don’t be sad,” Sora blurted out. Roxas blinked, confused.

 

“It’s- I’ll stop being sad if you tell me what’s wrong. Okay?”

 

“No.”

 

“No?” Roxas bristled. “I’m trying to help you-”

 

Frightened, Sora had turned his head, and faced Roxas.

 

“Your eye.” Roxas exhaled.

 

A wobbly, insincere grin stretched across Sora’s face. “What about it?”

 

“The scar…”

 

Sora’s grin dropped. _Not even my other...not even Roxas can see it…_

 

“Is there something else going on with it..?” Roxas asked, cautious. “What happened?”

 

Sora looked away. “Stabbed it.”

 

Roxas didn’t reply, so Sora sneaked a glance at him. Shock and confusion were clear on his face. Sora grinned again, smug this time. He wasn’t shocked like Roxas was.

 

“Can we sit down and talk about this?” Roxas asked gently, shock giving way to concern. “You’re shaking.”

 

“No.”

 

“Sora…” Roxas murmured, “Please, sit.” He gently took Sora’s hands in his and sat down, guiding Sora to do the same. “Thank you.”

 

“‘Kay.” Sora slouched down, exhausted now that the fear had left.

 

“So, can you tell me why you stabbed your eye?” Roxas kept Sora’s hands in his, tethering him to reality.

 

“It’s yellow.” Sora replied flatly. “Like heartless ‘n stuff. Nobody else sees it.”

 

“Huh…” Roxas was at a total loss with that. “Wait, so why’d you stab it, then?”

 

Sora shrugged. “Thought it was watching me. I got scared.”

 

Roxas tried his best to understand what Sora meant. “Are you scared right now?”

 

“I guess...I didn’t really stop being scared.” Sora gave a wry smile. “I’m just tired right now.”

 

“Yeah…” Roxas agreed. Sora now was the complete opposite of the manic Sora that had called him. “How come you called me, and not Riku or Kairi? Aren’t you staying with them?”

 

“Yeah.” Sora nodded, answering Roxas’ questions backwards. “I didn’t think about it. I just called. I was thinking about other stuff.”

 

“Can you tell me what stuff?”

 

“I don’t feel real.”

 

Roxas gazed at Sora in stunned silence.

 

Sora fidgeted uncomfortably, weakly tugging his hands away from Roxas’.

 

Roxas gave Sora’s hands a gentle squeeze, and they stilled. “I mean...you’re...you are real. You can’t house multiple peoples’ hearts if you’re not real. Right?”

 

“That was before.” Sora shook his head.

 

“Sora…” Roxas murmured. He looked...sad. “You are real, even though you were...gone.”

 

“How do you know?”

 

“This.” Roxas adjusted his hold on Sora’s hands, intertwining their fingers. “If you weren’t real, I couldn’t touch you. You wouldn’t be able to touch me, either.”

 

Sora looked at their hands for a long moment, processing Roxas’ words.

 

“Do you not believe me?” Roxas asked, voice tinged with worry.

 

“No, I…” Sora’s eyes welled up. “I didn’t think about it.” He fought back, willing himself not to cry.

 

“That’s okay,” Roxas felt a bit relieved. “Do you... Feel okay right now? Um, at least compared to earlier?”

 

Sora thought. “Yeah. My brain’s less... Whirlpool than it was.”

 

“Good.” Roxas smiled softly. “Do you know what you wanna do, now?”

 

“Not really.” Sora admitted.

 

“Do you wanna hang out around here for a while? You’re at Twilight Town, right now. We can just relax, or do something, if you want to.”

 

“Uh…” Relaxing sounded fantastic. “We won’t... Run into anybody, will we?”

 

“Nah, most people are sleeping this time of day. Don’t worry, ‘kay?.”

 

“‘Kay.” Sora nodded.

 

“Alright, let’s go.” Roxas stood, and gently tugged Sora up. He let go of one of Sora’s hands, but kept the other in his grasp, fingers still intertwined like a knot in a rope.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! big inspo for the yellow eye thing came from @_sorabuttpockets on twitter.  
> you can find me on twitter too @noa_rat
> 
> working title: angst fest 2 electric boogaloo


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